Holding a Sword by It's Blade ~ A Tarot Journey

It is the unseen and the spiritual in people that determines the outward and the actual.   Carlyle, Thomas - See more at: http://quotationsbook.com/quote/3991/#sthash.AlWDGLWU.dpuf

It is the unseen and the spiritual in people that determines the outward and the actual.   Carlyle, Thomas - See more at: http://quotationsbook.com/quote/3991/#sthash.AlWDGLWU.dpuf

"It is the unseen and the spirit in people that determines the outward and the actual"

Thomas Carlyle

It is the unseen and the spiritual in people that determines the outward and the actual.   Carlyle, Thomas - See more at: http://quotationsbook.com/quote/3991/#sthash.AlWDGLWU.dpuf

I can't move forward. I'm stuck. Am I surprised? No, I've been playing in the Page of Swords in Reverses' sandbox. For now we'll just call her Nasty Nancy.

Nasty Nancy and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. I've always had an attraction to strays, maybe, in away, I've always kind of felt like a stray ?!? I think I just had a real time #magickmoment

I feel like a stray. How powerful and potentially life changing. The admittance of it, heavy in my belly, with an 'of course' stuck in my throat. Interesting. Another blog for another day.

The deck I am working with and learning from is the one for me as I so relate with the images. Nasty Nancy and I share one really bad habit. Saying we're going to do one thing, and doing something else. Something that doesn't necessarily get in the way, but it doesn't move us forward. In fact, I am very good and saying I'm going to do the same thing over and over and over again, but I will find a million different things to do which get in the way of doing what I want. With a bolt of lightnening over my shoulder, it could very well be that I'm afraid. Afraid of following the direction I'm pointing at with my sword. It's almost like holding the sword by it's blade instead of it's hilt and wondering why the hell am I bleeding all the time.

If I held on to my words properly, I'd avoid having to self medicate all the time, which in my case is finding something else to do. What a vicious cycle.

Like the mushrooms Nasty Nancy likes to play with... you know you're not supposed to eat them, but why not when they make you feel so good? Why not say I'm going to do this that or the other? It makes me feel like I'm important, like I'm successful, like I'm the one on top... literally. But boy when the buzz of the 'shrooms wear off, and you need to eat the words you let come out your mouth... It's a quick and painful crash, driving you to look for that next high, that next excuse, the next whatever you can grasp (the wrong side of the sword). That way when someone asks you how it's going, you have your reason, excuse, sob story. Basically your lie ready and bleeding.

The sword and lightening also remind me that Nasty Nancy believes in a bright and shinny future, but she just can't let go of that dark and stormy past. The thunder rolls in faster and is more powerful than the sun. [Insert I for she] There are moments where I know where I need to be and what needs getting done. Yet within a split second I'm cursing someone out, blaming someone for where I am, and desperately looking for a fight. And trust me, I am literally holding the sword with both hands as I aim at my opponent. Figuratively, I'm holding the damn thing straight at my spirit, reminding it to stay inside and back off.

I call this Spiritual Cutting. I'm am not one for physically hurting myself. But, slashing and thrashing at my Spirit? All day long... no one can see it, therefore, I am alone in the shame and agony of not having the confidence I once had. (If you've been paying attention, you'll see how I just Nasty Nancy'd).

Photo via fantasticalcreatures.com

We teach our children everyday not to play with sharp objects, and yet, here we are with a Page of Swords swinging at heart's content. Without the emotional skill and maturity... how on earth do we expect this little friend to carve an appropriate path? Nasty Nancy just wants to play, by her rules... and we've given her a very sharp object to play with. Someone is going to get hurt. Obviously. Not so obvious is when Nasty Nancy herself is going to hurt herself.

It may be why I liken this card to Lindsay Lohan. So talented and able... with access to whatever she wants. If the maturity wasn't there, what did we think would happen? As compared to our Karate Kid, the outcome could have been the same. If a young spirit is trained in martial arts, he must be nurtured and educated. Taught that his skill is his tool instead his weapon. Lindsay's talent is a weapon. Nasty Nancy's sword is a weapon. The ego of my past is my weapon.


In each case, there is a shelter. Within that shelter, Nasty Nancy will either create an Ivory League setting for learning... or a shelter of mass destruction with consequences she is to young to comprehend. I'd like to think that my shelter still has a line drawn in the sand between both worlds where I'll eventually make a permanent cross over from the dark side )o(

Love and Light,
Amanda

Do you have a bad habit that you carry by the blade?
Do you get caught up in saying one thing and doing the other? What drives this behaviour, avoidance or frustration?